What does the gbf look like?

What do all of the couples have in common?

1. They are all representative of the gay best friend and straight female friend relationship.

2. They all appear on popular television series.

3. The gay best friend always plays the supporting role in the pair.

I want to talk briefly about the third point that I just made. You may think that this isn’t true since all of these characters are fun and key to the flow of the plot. However, they are usually only important in moving the plot along in reference to the other characters, namely the straight female counterpart. I’ll give you an example from the above snapshots to reiterative what I mean. In Glee, Rachel and Kurt are musically talented best friends who have dreams of making it big in New York. However, Rachel is always in the spotlight, leaving Kurt to wallow in her shadow in the beginning seasons. Rachel ends up scoring a spot at the renowned Nyada while Kurt had to wait an additional year to become admitted. The shows seems to also center around her shining success, her relationships and her life. Kurt is there to offer support, pick her up when she falls and offer sassy quips. While I am a fan of Kurt’s character (as well as the other “gay best friend” characters above), none of them are the principle character. I think the inclusion of so many gay characters in television shows an increased acceptance toward homosexuality, but there is much room for further growth.

Images from:

http://filmtrivia.tumblr.com/post/7479908453/when-brandon-asks-olive-if-she-will-go-out-with

http://kalebblake.wordpress.com/2011/05/06/how-will-grace-and-jack-and-karen-saved-my-life/

http://queermovieproject.blogspot.com/2010/03/mean-girls.html

http://barucgle123.deviantart.com/art/Kurt-and-Rachel-Glee-season-4-png-327394234

http://blogcritics.org/video/article/dvd-review-ugly-betty-the-complete5/page-2/

http://thestylenotebook.com/2010/08/11/costume-corner-scott-pilgrim-vs-the-world/

http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/will-and-grace/images/504050/title/will-grace-photo

http://www.glamour.com/entertainment/blogs/obsessed/2013/01/girls-1.html

The “Disappointing” Gay Best Friend

What happens when the gay best friend doesn’t live up to his female friend’s standards? Well… take a look at this comical YouTube video:

I’m going to preface my post by saying that I LOVE this video and the series. My friend, Lizette, showed them to me last year when we lived together – we could not stop laughing at them. It pokes fun at they gay best friend role by showing what many straight females often perceive gay men to be like – just like them! However, as you can see, this is not the case. And in fact, in most instances, the true gay best friend does not fit this stereotype nor shares all the same interests as their female best friend.

There is definitely a disconnect with what Tyler wants to do (watch Netflix and eat his Thai food) and what Mikala wants (go out on the town). What I really enjoy about the clip are all the common ideas about what it means to be a gay best friend – that it’s acceptable to be called a girl, that we like fruity cocktails*, that we know many drag queens and that we have a fetish with touching our girl friend’s breasts. While all of these things do occur among gay men, they are not all present at once or existent in every gay man. This video highlights an important point – that many believe the gay best friend comes packaged with all of these aspects.

After looking at the top comments section of YouTube, I am clearly not the only one that shares these views. See the #1 liked comment below that received an astonishing 149 “likes.”

If you thought “Goin’ Out” with your disappointing gay best friend was as entertaining as I did, watch the other videos in the series which dissolve other stereotypes surrounding the gbf!

*This is the only one that is most applicable to me.

Eating the Other: Commoditizing the Gay Best Friend

Gloria Jean Watkins, or “bell hooks” as she is known, wrote an article called “Eating the Other” which discussed the commodification of otherness, but principally African American or black individuals. The author explains that white individuals’ desire for this “otherness” is based on the excitement of experiencing a group that is seen as more cultured, more experienced and more sensual. Essentially, white people would appropriate (but not fully appreciate) the exotic qualities of the other through ephemeral interactions, often times sexual encounters.

I wanted to look at this commodification from a different perspective and at a different “otherness” identity. As mentioned in a previous blog post, a growing trend in pop culture, especially in television and cinema, is the gay male best friend as a commodity of otherness. The gay best friend (most often white and male) is someone that is commoditized as being fashion conscious, cultured, sassy and the straight female counterpart. You see this appear in popular YouTube videos such as Sassy Gay Friend and television series such as Ugly Betty, Will & Grace, Glee, Girls, Sex and the City – the list is actually quite extensive. In each of these shows, the “gay best friend” character usually plays the supporting and helpful role through sassy dialogue and with fashionable attire. Does this sound familiar? These were the three main qualities that arose from interviewing a small sampling of friends in a previous post.

Now, the commoditization of otherness by having a gay best friend is clearly not via sexual relations. However, it is by using a gay best friend for its stereotypical qualities (sassiness, levity, drama and fashion) in television series that raises a red flag as “eating the other,” as bell hooks describes it. These are the characteristics that are universally portrayed in film and T.V. These are the attributes that are desired by the other characters on the shows and expected by the audience. Nevertheless, even with the commoditization of the gay best friend by creating a specific role in T.V. for gay males, I enjoy watching and laughing with these characters. It’s funny, relatable and usually painted in a positive light. Though it would be nice for the gay male to be the central figure without the need of a female double or stereotypical personality traits.

I would love comments on my blog posts! If you have a particular show you watch that features the “gay best friend” or breaks away from the typical mold, let me know! If I have already seen it, I’d enjoy thinking about the role of the gay character. If I have not yet seen it, this would be a great opportunity to expand my knowledge of the gay best friend in T.V.

Describing the Gay Best Friend

I’ve heard and seen many stereotypes of the archetypical gay best friend. To find out if my perceptions are true and to see what my peers think of the gbf, I polled a few people. I asked the new and old executive boards (11 members not including me) of my collegiate service organization, “what word would you use to describe a gay best friend?” In word cloud form, here is what they said:

The larger font indicates a higher frequency of occurrence of the word (e.g., honest and sassy each appeared twice). Just based on a sample of 11 individuals, there were trends among what characteristics were perceived. This exercise shows that the defining features of a gay best friend are fashion consciousness, sassiness and playing the supporting role. My peers may be biased since I was in the room and could have served as their token example of a gay best friend in selecting a word. But nonetheless, the results show what I have seen in the media, namely movies and television. Think of Marc, the personal assistant in the TV series Ugly Betty, who acts as the fashion forward, cheeky counterpart to the straight female, Amanda. This is just one quintessential example; there are myriad more.

Now, while these are stereotypes, it is important to note that they are all positive attributes, in my opinion. I personally love being known for my sense of fashion, my frequent quips and my general willingness to help my friends, especially if they are straight females. I recently attended a talk at the University of Michigan given by David Halperin on his book “How to Be Gay.” He discussed how these often disliked descriptors should be in a way celebrated and accepted as linking factors of the gay culture. Specifically, he wrote:

“The great value of traditional gay male culture resides in some of its most despised and repudiated features: gay male femininity, diva-worship, aestheticism*, snobbery*, drama*, adoration of glamor, caricature of women, and obsession with the figure of the mother.” (38)

*I equate aestheticism to fashion and snobbery/drama to sassiness.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. In future posts, I will reference these gay male cultural norms as well as others, both positively and negatively perceived. For example, while I may enjoy being known for my attention to fashion, others may consider such a fixation to be borderline shallow.

From Deviance to Acceptance

If I had a dollar for every time I heard the expression “my gay best friend,” I would have… well, let’s just say a lot of money. Is this bad? Not really. In fact, most of the time it is positively attributed to someone and sandwiched in between whole-hearted comments from one friend to another. However, it is the word “gay” that prefaces “best friend” that strikes me. Essentially, it is not just a best friend, but a gay best friend. And homosexuality is just one identity, but it is the one most often used to qualify someone in this particular instance. To corroborate my point, let’s take another identity. Would you ever say, “this is my black best friend,” or “this is my differently abled best friend.” No, I don’t think we would – only gay sounds acceptable. But, using the term “gay best friend” wasn’t always so ubiquitous in usage. Roughly half a century ago, gay men and women were considered “deviant.” Deviant, meaning differing from the accepted norm. Now, it seems that the norm or at least the trend is to have a gay best friend. And this is the reason behind my eagerness to write a blog about the gay best friend.

*Picture taken from: http://memegenerator.net/instance/25343627

About Me & My Blog

On a broad level, social justice is the goal of creating equality for all people. This can be achieved in terms of race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, and religion – practically in any category in which there lies a spectrum of possible identities among humans. If we focus on the United States as a social space, these inequalities arose because one group with certain attributes came into power and decided that this was what the “norm” should be. American colonists (typically white, Christian, heterosexual men) displaced indigenous people and set up a system that prized their identities and marginalized all others. Since the original colonization, groups with “non-privileged” identities have strived to nullify pervasive beliefs (often non-conscious, too) that there is a certain hierarchy to these differences. Nevertheless, there is the trend in the U.S. to create a socially just society – one that celebrates identities instead of marginalizing differences.

Given that I identify as a gay male, equality around issues concerning sexual orientation are very important to me, both on the institutional level – such as the workplace and marriage – and on the cognitive front – such as attitudes, beliefs and perceptions. Blogging about what I am personally invested in is not just a place to offer up my personal feelings, but it is a chance to tie in viewpoints from multiple realms. This includes academic literature, observations from the world, personal experiences and comments from viewers. All of these factors provide a rich perspective on equality around sexual orientation that stagnant mediums such as newspapers and articles do not offer. Don’t get me wrong, I still love sources such as the Huffington Post, and I frequently read articles on gay issues. However, a blog allows a community to interact over an issue instead of just one person.

I have had the opportunity to compose blogs before for my study abroad in Grenoble, France and then again for my internship in Marseille, France. However, these blogs were mostly experiential and touched upon cultural observations and less contested issues. This will be my first blog that addresses a social justice inequality, and one in particular that is quite salient to me. More specifically, my blogs will have a common thread around the pros and cons of the “gay best friend.” Therefore, it is important that in writing this blog, I am cognizant of how I address the issue on a personal and professional level. While I may have a personal investment since I consider myself playing into the role as the tokenized “gay best friend,” I want to offer critical insights that are removed from my emotional attachment to this issue.

Thus, this class will offer me the opportunity to see growth in my writing and blogging abilities. I will also be able to assess my progress over the course of this semester on a metacognitive level – understanding how my thought process behind my writing and my abilities to draw in knowledge from readings aids in the creation of reflective and insightful blog pieces. Additionally, I do not want my blog to just contain personal anecdotes and acumens but instead bring about a discussion with multiple viewpoints from the classroom blogging community.

(This post can also be found on my about page)